summary

Jared’s headaches are getting worse. Bystanders might point to his purging, Pedialyte-based diet, or the stress of being a seventeen-year-old prescription drug dealer as likely causes, but Jared knows the truth.

Adam, the original personality, is pushing his way back.

When Adam ejects him from the body, Jared finds himself on the outside looking in for the first time in four years. Adam complains he never expected to be gone for four years when he gave up control of the body. Before he couldn’t handle the world due to his paralyzing depression and anxiety, but now Adam’s on a mission to regain his life.

As far as Jared's concerned, Adam isn't a viable option, as he's already tried to kill the body more than once. However, seeking help from Adam’s family and friends is a risk – if they discover Jared's only the alter, they may choose to keep the original and destroy him in the process.

Author's Message

My first YA project, but hopefully not the last. THE BETTER MAN offers something of a YA twist on FIGHT CLUB in that the alternate (and more stable) personality attempts to keep the weaker original suppressed instead of sharing time in the body.

Inspirational Media

Click on the image above for a video of a Baby Bink style car ride that inspired this passage:

"It emitted a high-pitched, banshee screech at other dogs, people, and inanimate objects. It clapped its paws on the window edge and shrieked at every street sign, electrical pole, and parking meter. The damn thing was annoying as shit and the decibel of its idiocy made it impossible for them to converse during the drive."

"Stuck in the Mirror" came up on my Pandora and immediately struck me for this book. I think I had it on repeat 75% of the time.

Excerpt Two (below) is Jared watching the live IAAF World Championship 1500 meter. Seeing these runners is what inspired him to pursue track.

I'm very drawn to certain images when I write. Click on or hover above the photos below for the lines these pictures inspired.

She had her bangs combed across her forehead, and they were long enough that they covered her eyebrows. The right side of her hair curled over her shoulder while the left swept in three twists across the back of her head. When she turned to her flowers, the olive-colored skin behind her ear and bare neck looked perfect and graceful.

Jared put on his left turn signal and eased on the gas. The car crawled forward under five miles per hour, but in his head the engine pounded and the valve springs raced to keep up. “I’d think you’d be interested in keeping your source –”

“We can’t all drink teddy bear juice and eat nothing.”

"They make the dirty pigeon in the commercial happy. Curing his depression so he can resume shitting on parked cars and breeding disease. At the least, I can look forward to setting up shop on the Lafayette statue and you can visit me there. ”

He placed the Spockstone Summary Prescription Guide to Asia in a manila envelope, attached two binder clips, and hung it from the dusty gap between a pair of upper bathroom cabinets.

He knelt in front of the shelf and curved his fingers underneath the bottom skirt. With his palm, he pushed the panel in and down to bring the hidden drawer through the internal latch he’d constructed.

They were excellent for emergency purges when sinks or toilets were unavailable. He purchased the thick ones that claimed to be “big enough for a Great Dane’s pile” and came lavender scented, a nice touch.

The blinds and their cords had been secured between two panes of glass, denying the room’s occupant tools that could be used to self-harm.

Excerpt one - Chapter 3

After the light went out, Jared shut and locked his door. He released the hidden side panel of his dresser to remove a thick magazine, Spockstone Summary Prescription Guide to Asia, and a baggy of antacids.

 As he scouted through the Spockstone to pinpoint new pharmacies to call, he chugged the warm water. Based on what he’d already consumed downstairs, it didn’t take long before he hit that sweet spot of full nausea. He put the magazine aside, took the milk chaser, and grabbed his trashcan.

He imagined Adam gorging on the cheeseburger – sucking the fat from the ground beef and rolling it in chunks around his cheeks. Scraping the chewed-up sludge from hidden places along his molars to re-taste it. Plastering the slimy cheese on the –

Everything Adam had eaten came up easily, as if it knew it was unfit for human consumption, for animal consumption even. The milk gave a nice cooling sensation on his throat, but the burn was also good. And when all the filth was out, the hollow emptiness in his stomach felt amazing.

 

Excerpt Two - Chapter 7

It was the most exciting five minutes he’d experienced to that point. From the camera spanning each runner to build tension, the marks taken, the starting gun…he was on the edge of his seat as the pack converged in the two inner running lanes. Chepseba in the lead from the beginning, but making his move forty seconds in. No one could touch him at 800 meters; he was yards in front.

And watching the man run…watching how they all ran…it was breathtaking. Adam and the other patients were required to get daily exercise by running laps in the indoor gymnasium, and that was like a thundering herd of disjointed, wobbling elephants. When these men ran, they sliced through the air in firm, smooth motions. With their shoulders back, and chests pushed forward they had a regal, uplifted presence, and the soles of their shoes barely kissed the track…

 But then the other runners started to gain at 1100 meters, and less than 100 to go – in flew Asbel Kiprop, overtaking the entire group to streak across the finish line. He lifted his arms, and the camera followed him to the side where he caught a Kenyan flag. With the flag draped over his shoulders, he put an arm around both of his teammates with a smile.

I could do this. This is what I want to do… I want to run, I want to race, I want to win.

Adam had groaned from the couch behind his throw pillow, bringing Jared back from reimagining Kiprop’s triumph. “Nooooooo. It’s boring and pointless. I don’t want to run around in a circle. You know what runs in a circle? Dogs and horses.”

“You know what sits and does nothing? Piles of shit and decomposing roadkill.”

excerpt Three - Chapter 16

Jared had been awake until three in the morning making the placebos. It’d taken quite a bit of experimentation to create the best mixture duplicating color and consistency. He’d tried a variety of orange powders. The orange Kool-aid, dried orange peel, ground mace, cheddar snack crackers, Trix and Fruit Loops cereal, and orange cornstarch. Basically anything orange-ish on the supermarket shelf he’d grabbed, including eight kinds of macaroni and cheese. Ultimately, the closest comparison came from the triple cheddar explosion mac and cheese powder.

After careful consideration, he’d also decided to include an active ingredient to make it somewhat believable. Since another side effect of DNP was tiredness, he tossed a couple Ambien tabs into the mortar and ground it together with the cheese dust. When he’d filled the thirty empty gelatin capsules, they were so identical to the actual drugs that he marked a small red “X” on the DNP label to ensure he kept the two bags separate. He would’ve disposed of the real ones, but it was still inventory he’d paid for. At five a pill, one hundred and fifty dollars was a lot to literally flush down the toilet. He’d offload it to someone he didn’t care about.

Jared let Lacey go and retrieved his backpack. He unzipped the front pocket and removed the bag of orange pills. For the fourth time, he checked to ensure the label didn’t carry the red “X” before handing it to her.

Lacey accepted the bag but frowned.

Fuck.

“They don’t come in a sealed bottle?”

“They do; however, I always transfer meds into the clear plastic bags. Standard policy. I can’t have dozens of pill bottles floating around my bedroom. It’s easier to store and hide things in the bags.”